Notes on a Scandalous Life

This blog has been toned down here, because it's totally public - if you want to read the full version, check it out on my Facebook.

Tonight, I've been rabbit-trailing the internet, looking at blogs, articles, and books that deal with this problem that I've been having with this guy lately. Without describing the situation in great detail, let's just say that this particular guy is a total creep: he has pursued me relentlessly, which makes me very uncomfortable, for a long time. Every time I'm firm with him, he blatantly sulks (which also made me really uncomfortable) until I gave an inch and was a little nice to him, and then it starts all over again.

Normally, there's no way I would have allowed this to continue to occur. Unfortunately, though, I'm trapped in the situation. I have more sympathizers than I used to, but, in the beginning, I almost always got responses like: "Why don't you just go on a date with him? You might like it." and "You're just too mean."

Of course, that's what women always hear when they are honest when they turn a guy down. Instead of "No way. You're old and creepy and have a muffin top." We make the mistake of saying things like "You're a nice guy, but I just can't." In her article in Salon, Kate Harding points out that it doesn't work to be a nice guy, therefore, the correct approach to scoring a chick must be to morph into a total asshole. This isn't the worst result of not being direct, though. Harriet Jacobs points out in her blog (which you should REALLY read) that women are cultured to be passive and docile when approached by men, even when they are not interested. This, in turn, leaves men a toehold to continue pursuing a woman against her will, and even to rape her, without any resistance until it's much too late. Because, if we express the fact that we are uncomfortable, a man will just default to "I was just kidding/trying to be friends/some other lie. You're such a bitch!"

That's why I've said relatively little about my situation, until now. I know that, if I say anything about what a creep he is, he'll just play it off. But, fuck it. I would rather suffer the consequences than continue to put up with this bullshit. I would rather be a bitch than be taken advantage of because I'm a woman, and I'm supposed to be "nice".