Notes on a Scandalous Life

Of late, I picked up a book that I had once procured and then forgotten about: Touched by Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. I'm not one of those people who would be likely to say to all my friends "I am sooo hyper, and I get bored in class. I must have ADD!" So, I don't think I'm over-diagnosing myself when I say that I do believe that I am and always have been manic-depressive, because I feel like this book is ABOUT me.

As the book explores, some would see my manic-depressive state as a bad thing: artists are more likely than the general public to be manic-depressive, and, likewise, are more likely to commit suicide and abuse drugs or alcohol. One camp thinks that the condition requires medication. Another camp thinks that it's the source of artistic inspiration. It's not like ink hasn't ever been spilled on this argument before. To wit: is madness really such a bad thing when it helps an individual to create art?

I've been feeling pretty existential lately, and I have to say that I think that the highs are worth the lows. When I'm manic, I can sit down and write, and write, and write. My creative ability skyrockets, and, to me, that's worth the occasional depressive spell that I experience. But then, even the lows can assist in the making of art - it's the way that artistic individuals FEEL things more strongly than the general population that helps them to channel those sensations into art.

If I knew someone who experienced (I hate to use the phrase "suffered from") the same condition that I do who chose to take medication, though, I would understand just as well. It's painful, sometimes - even the mania can be uncomfortable, when it keeps you from sleeping or makes you irritable. But, for me, it's worth it. This should come as no surprise to anyone who is very familiar with me, though, anyway - you all know that I'm crazy.

Since I talked up my excitement about Avatar the other night, I think it's only fair that I share my thoughts about it - post-movie. Personally, I loved it, even though there were a few holes.

The goods:
- Strong female characters not relegated to mere romantic interest roles
- Slight gender ambiguity among the natives of, uh, whatever-planet-that-is. I don't mean that you couldn't tell which ones were male and which were female, but, rather, that they all served similar roles in their culture - very egalitarian.
- Really, really well-played and imaginative special effects.
- Sigourney Weaver with a tail.

The bads:
- Several gaps in the story. Personally, I felt like I just got dropped in in the middle, and then had to find my own way from there. I had a lot of questions that were left unanswered - even though the movie was long as hell.
- The anthropologically-correct moral of the story (that indiginous people are not necessarily "primative" - just different) was a little overplayed, and made a lot of obvious references to American Indians. Not that that's bad... but sometimes I felt like it was being pushed on me a little bit.
- Not enough Michelle Rodriguez. Per my previous post, this may be due to some personal bias, but... c'mon.
- The whole "mating for life" thing. While I'm not opposed to mating for life, I kind of thought that an indiginous tribe, so in-touch with nature, might be a little more, you know, promiscuous. But then, maybe I'm just being too liberal here. Penguins mate for life, after all. Maybe they're like penguins. Just not quite as cute.

Overall: excellent moie. Especially in 3D. I hated Coraline in 3D, but this movie totally utilized the technology to make the film really jump out at you. My final verdict: go see it!

Earlier this afternoon, Abby and I caroused Rockwall, finishing up our Christmas shopping (and I confess to buying myself blue mascara - I can't go into Wal-Mart without purchasing ridiculous makeup). As soon as we got home, the muscles in the left side of my back attacked me, and I've been nursing the heating pad on the couch ever since.

This morning, I completed my final for Modern Grammar. I only vaguely understood a number of the questions, so my guess is that my grade on this will be something of a... low. Which is okay with me. Any grade that is a passing grade will satisfy me perfectly, in this class. My teacher, a very sweaty, very Italian man (but also extremely lovable!) rarely spoke comprehendably about anything except his love for The Golden Girls. My grasp on Chomskian sentence diagramming suffered accordingly. But then, to be fair, I doubt I would have ever really caught on to anything that Chomsky had to say about syntax, anyway. We were once guest-lectured by a professor who referred to subjects as things like "actors" and direct objects as "recipients", and I found this approach, with its room for creativity, to be much more up my alley. So, fuck you, Chomsky. I never liked your theories about Subject Verb Object, anyway. I will be happy if I make a D in this class.

And now, I am listening to the soundtrack to Into the Wild. Prior to hearing this record, I never knew that Eddie Vedder could be so... delicious. But he is.

And so, until MyLeo is up and I can investigate the terms and conditions for my final midterm (It's online! Squeal!), I'm just going to sit here, listening to Eddie Vedder singing (deliciously) about the joys and sorrows of the nomadic lifestyle, and possibly reading Wicked. I started it a few days ago, after hearing from a few people that it was way, way more colorful than the play, and had morally disturbed them a little. I have yet to be disturbed, but I'm only about 50 pages in. There's still hope.

Are your nails painted?
My toenails are, but I never do my fingernails. It's too much maintenance.

Are your dreams strange?
My dreams are ALWAYS strange. I actually keep a dream journal.

Do you have to check in with your parents before you go someplace?
At the tender age of 23... I don't think so.

Do you know anyone who doesn’t smoke pot?
Not everybody can be down.

Did your ex say anything that you still think of?
Yes.

Have you ever done something you promised yourself you wouldn't?
Sometimes for better, and sometimes for worse.

Do you miss anyone right now?
A lot of people.

Are you a shy person?
Hell, no.

Do you have memories that you want to forget?
That's up in the air. Probably not, though. My experiences have, like, shaped me and junk.

Would you rather love one person or have many short relationships?
It depends on whether that love-relationship is healthy - if yes, than I would choose that, but, if not, I would rather enjoy the company of several people I'm not overly-attached to than pine over someone I can't or shouldn't be with.

Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Actually, no. Most of my friends are women - and I'm definitely okay with that.

What is more important in a relationship, happiness or trust?
I've trusted people I was completely unhappy with, and I think I would rather choose happiness. Adventure is more important to me than stability.

Wanna talk to someone you havent talked to in a while? Why?
Yes; won't say.

Do you have more than five songs that remind you of just one person?
Yes again.

Do you still have any attachments with an ex?
Several of them, actually.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
This guy on my Facebook posted some status about how many women it takes to screw in a lightbulb... I don't remember the answer, but it was some kind of stereotypical, ignorant portrayal of feminists as man-haters who are in denial of the fact that women can't survive without men... I deleted him. It wasn't quite a punch, but it helped.

What did you wake up to today?
I think I just kind of woke up on my own - I was thirsty and my spine hurt.

Have you ever laid on a bed and stayed there for no reason at all?
There's always a reason for that - I refer to it as "laziness".

Do you think someone is talking smack about you behind your back?
It's the status quo.

Does anyone not like you at the moment?
See above.

Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
Lots of people.

Do you hate being home alone?
I used to, but now, I really like it. A little solitutde, in which I can read a book, take a bath (and a xanax), listen to music, do some homework... mmm.

Are you under the influence of anything at the moment?
Birth control... it's a very good influence.

Do you sleep with the door open or closed?
I don't have a door, but I rarel close the curtain all the way. I'm not a fan of pitch black.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
Swim team t-shirt, VS flannel pants, moccassins... why not?

Do you think relationships are even worth it?
Even relationships that end poorly can be good experiences, in the long run, but that's not to say that everybody is made out for relationships.

Do you like horror or comedy?
Horror FTW!

Have you ever been called heartless?
Not in recollection, but I have been called a lot of other synonyms for that. "Piece of work" is my personal favorite.

Has anyone laid on your bed besides you?
Just look at me. I am SO celibate. Duh.

Do you like to color?
I suck at coloring inside the lines.

Have you ever slept on the floor with someone you liked?
More like passed out

What is your current annoyance?
TAMU-C, per usual.

Are you a risk taker?
Without risk-taking behavior, how can anyone LIVE?!

Have you ever worn the opposite sex clothing?
Sure.

Your phone is ringing. Its the person you fell hardest for, what do you say?
Tough call. I really don't know the answer to that.

Do you know anyone that drinks?
I live in an Amish compound, so of course not.

Anyone pissing you off?
You could say that.

Have you ever dyed your hair?
All the times.

Do you understand football?
About as much as I can understand something without giving a damn about it.

Has someone ever told you that they would be with you forever?
Yes, several men.

When was the last time you were sick?
Last night... mmm beer, you have betrayed me again.

What is the worst subject they teach in school?
Home Ec.

Are all of your friends in relationships?
I'd say its about 50/50, but the balance is coming closer to tipping all the time.

Are you looking forward to something as of right now?
Christmas in Galveston, trick!

Have you ever worn false eyelashes?
Love 'em.

At the moment, are you more warm or cold?
Juuust right, which, for me, means warm.

Do you find girls/guys with facial piercings attractive?
Less and less so, as I age.

When was the last time you saw snow?
Last time it snowed, Mom texted me to tell me about it... and I just kept right on sleeping. I hate snow.

How long is your hair?
About down to the middle of my back.

Are you wearing make-up?
But of course.

Something you hate more than anything?
Sexism; ignorance.

Are you wearing anything?
I feel like I answered this question somewhere up there...

Wanting to tell someone something?
Oh, yeah. I'm always full of statements to make.

What do you think about toe socks?
PITA.

If you had to live off one type of fruit, which would you pick?
Tough choice... strawberries?

How long does it take you to get ready?
Depends on what I'm getting ready for. Never more than an hour, but usually closer to 30 or 45 minutes.

Are you the type people should take seriously, or should they think you’re joking?
They should just assume I'm joking. Even if I'm being serious, it's not worth the trouble of them taking me seriously and getting offended.

Do you break things when you are mad?
No; sometime in grade school, I learned to channel my emotions in non-violent ways.

Do you mind sleeping on the floor?
Usually... but sometimes, it happens.